When I was younger..

    When I was younger, I thought I was going to run all the major marathons in the world, and then in my early twenties, I did the Auckland half-marathon and decided that long distance running wasn't for me.

    When I was younger, I had visions of ripping up in the body building/figure competition scene, and then I trained hard, competed in Auckland champs, placed 3rd in my figure category and automatically qualified for nationals.  I started training for nationals and realised I loved food too much and couldn't live a life so regimented.  My period stopped for some months during this time, and I developed an eating disorder.  It was a lifestyle that didn't feel healthy, physically or emotionally.

    When I was younger, I had a decade-long dream that I would use Breaking as a vehicle for social empowerment in Ethiopia, especially for youth and girls.  In 2023/24, 'Breaking Ground Ethiopia' was born.  I tried ferociously to pour my energy into creation, but as I was in the middle of difficult personal circumstances and the beginnings of what would be a major health crisis, I learnt the hard way that nothing productive can be poured from a broken cup.

    When I was younger, I had the vision of living in a mud hut in rural Ethiopia with 10 children running naked around the place.  After having one child, I decided pretty quickly, that he makes my natural-conception mother-world.  Pro-creating through my vagina, I'm done.  The world has enough people.  As for the mud hut in rural Ethiopia, I still have time..

    When I was younger, I had the dream of performing in musicals on stages all over the world but after a failed audition for Madame Butterfly in Melbourne, I felt out of my league in this cut-throat world of performance arts.  I quit and fell into a deep depression.  It was my first big lesson in failing.

    When I was younger, I thought I was going to travel the world teaching english as a first language.  After a volunteer teaching stint at a children's school in Nazret, Ethiopia, I abruptly found out that I didn't possess the patience to be a nurturing school teacher.

The beauty of life is that we are constantly evolving.  Failing is re-direction.  Failing is character building.

I use to think something was wrong with me, like I couldn't stick with something or I lacked resilience.  I heard it through my own self-talk and reflection and also from close ones.  But as I've gotten older and have been able to hold more grace for myself, I've come to learn that I own a searchers soul that is deeply curious.  I feel like I've perfected the art of meandering, that life is in the spontaneous 'veering off' one's supposed path.  The amazing Helen Keller once said "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all".  There is so much in life that stirs and moves me and continues to stir and move me as I remain a deeply curious person.  

I'm also a deeply faulted person, reckoning with what I lost as a child and most essentially, a soul striving to integrate her shadow.  I've come to realise that all these endeavours and shifts have been leading me on a painful yet rich healing journey, through creating art.

I feel like I've already lived 10 lives in my 44yrs, that no experience has been wasted, and I hold my breath in anticipation as I meander around this 2026 corner.

In order to continue on our spiritual path of evolution and enlightenment we must nurture discernment for what is no longer FOR us.  We must listen and act upon what stirs us, what I call ‘Soul Integrity’, at that time, in that moment, on that day, in that week, in that month, in that year, in that season.  

Evolution is natures alignment, for we are nature personified, it's our curiosity bringing us back to source, to remember who/what we are.  Just as the earth moves through it's four seasons, so do we.  

Life experiences change us, arising trauma and nervous system regulation changes us, hormonal shifts changes us (hello peri-menopause), relationships change and thus change us, new curiosities arise, self-reflection invites growth resulting in shedding illusions and negative patterns and so on.. we are constantly evolving and what may fulfill us one moment, may not be in alignment the next.  

This is being human.

This is having grace and compassion for our journey.

This is having the courage to keep moving.

No matter what others may think or say.

Moving on from plans doesn't mean giving up, not in the slightest.  It's actually the opposite, knowing in your soul of souls something is no longer serving you, the alignment is no longer there and ultimately being true to your path.  Building the ability to fine tune one's ‘soul integrity’ is an intuitive muscle that requires consistent working out.  The day we start NOT to listen to the whisperings of our soul is when we start to lose a bit of our selves. 

When we silence our souls, we are in trouble.

When we are in tune to the whispers and yearnings of our soul and create actions towards achieving alignment with that truth, that is when we are kicking in universal magic and life feels more meaningful and abundant.